Sunday, December 18, 2005

Regarding a Traitor

Real Time Post - 12/18/05 3:40AM

Little drunk right now. Please forgive. It's the Insomnia. Sometimes I get so pissed off and more than a little upset. For no reason. I was so proud of my immune system. I would brag. Infectious disease mostly never bothered me. I grew up with 3 brothers of the same age group. Flu/colds would hit my family. I've had the flu once in my life, for a day. I can go years without so much as a cold. Diverticulitis is a condition. Most likely caused by stress and low/no fiber diet up to that point.

Now this.

Hodgkins Lymphoma. A rare Cancer. No Identified causes*. No known risk behaviors associated with it. Blaming someone afflicted with such a disease is like blaming a victim that had their house broken into.

It's not my fault.

yet i get pissed off. One of my cell lines mutated. One of my immune cell lines mutated. Mutated and was not destroyed in time by the rest of my immune system. Mutated and suppressed the rest of my immune system. Mutated and disguised itself against my immune system. A Traitor. It didn't "choose" this path. But it is a traitor that must be destroyed.

Like all Cancers, I believe, it is one cell line only.

One cell Line, losing it's growth inhibition. Losing it's mortality. That's all Cancer is; uncontrolled cell growth. That one Cell line can become so dangerous is mind boggiling.

That it is of my immune system, makes it very troubling to me sometimes.

It's not my fault. I will win but sometimes....................I'm pissed off it happened at all.

*Epstein Barr Virus is "associated" with HL. I have never had EBV.

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