Friday, September 15, 2006

Wallowing in self-pity. EBV [L,C]

Sometimes I just can't help it. Sorry. The Doctor (Nurse Practitioner, actually) confirmed EBV but no strep. Often they go hand in hand. Strep being very opportunistic. The EBV is probably secondary to Hodgkins. My immune system being down still, coupled with the CT/PET scans only 8 days apart and all the radioactive compounds I had to ingest. And add the extreme anxiety I was feeling that they didn't quite get all the Cancer. I had a big EBV target on my ass. Something like 80% of the population has it. I probably picked it up in the frikken hospital during one of my scans.

Kind of ironic that EBV is often associated with Hodgkins but in my case it seems like my Hodgkins is associated with EBV.

I can handle most of the symptoms; loss of appetite, fever, depression, weakness, fatigue, muscle aches. The sore throat sucks beyond description. Especially when I wake up. I try so hard not to swallow. The pain just spreads from my throat to my ears. Never felt anything like it. I use a throat spray every 2 hours and pop ibuprofen as often as possible. Sweating this out sucks. Nothing I can do but go to a High Protein diet in order to boost my immune system.

One of The biggest concern with EBV is swelling of the spleen and liver, with possible ruptures. meaning I can do no heavy lifting. We move in 2 weeks. Dani had to spell it out to me: I'm going to be useless for moving. FUCK. I feel worse for Dani then myself. 95% of my life I've been healthy. 95% of the time Dani has known me I've been seriously ill. I think the stress on her is worst than on me. All I would like to do is take care of Her and here I sit, once again too ill to be of much good to anyone.

Keeping up my spirits during my Hodgkins fight was easy somehow. Now I just feel too tired.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I've Got Mono? WTF! [L,C]

Been feeling like crap for over a week. Fever coming and going. Headache, loss of appetite, sluggish, a little dizzy. Yesterday I went in to see what was up. They took some blood and put me on azithromycin, just in case, b/c I've been running a fever on and off for a week. Got a voicemail today telling me I tested positive for Mono and still waiting on the Strep test. I have another appt tomorrow.WTF? I get this far and my immune system craps out on me? I tested negative for CMV and EBV last year when I was diagnosed with the Big C so this is a recent exposure. Very disappointed in my immune system but very relieved I have something "normal" and somewhat "innocuous".

But gone might be the days when I bragged about my immune system. How depressing...

The Prick Wins [L]

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Is that worth $800,000? What a dumbass.

Friday, Sept 8. Dinnertime.
The Asshole won't stop knocking. Dani finally agrees to allow me to answer it. It's gonna be the same old fight. the Fucktard thinks because he bought the building he can come over anytime to "take measurements". Forget the numerous building code violations. He just wants us out so he can convert to Condos. Shithead has never asked for rent or for a new lease. he refuses to go through our lawyer. So we don't let him in, ever. That's our right. Today he came by with a letter:"This is to notify you that the keys to the main building and the respective units will be changed by the owner of the building, John Fucktard, on 9/11/06. If you are not tresspassing and you are a legal tenant, you may pick up a set of keys from the Landlord's attorney at the address below:"

In effect an attempt at intimidation and wrongful eviction. I read it and then went ballistic. John Fucktard is at least 6', 250-300, of African descent. I was in his face screeming at him and jabbing my finger in his face. Much to Dani's amusement, the Man started to cower. :pThis was not the first letter threatening to change the locks. We also got an illegal "notice to vacate" letter from the Fucktard. he always comes over on the weekend after hours. One time it was Easter Sunday. I want to do this man some harm.

Dani sent me away, afraid I was gonna smack him and started to talk to him. That accomplished nothing of course. He has no respect or concern for us. A letter off to the Lawyer and we sat. Unsure if we wanted to sweat this out anymore. We've been fighting with several assholes on and off since August '05. So tired of the stress and anxiety. Saturday Morning our Lawyer emailed us back screaming bloody murder, threatening a wrongful eviction suit.

Monday Morning. We don't have to wait long. Two large Men come out of a van with drills. Followed by Fucktard. Dani call's 911 as I head out the door. I tell the Men to step away, the cops are on the way. they have no idea whats going on but decide it would be best to go back to the truck. Dani, on the phone, reports that some men are breaking into our building using drills. :DFirst cop car shows up in minutes. A second one a few minutes later. Long story short - we allow him to change the front door lock to the building. That is his right. The cops wait until its done and see that we get keys.We've been fighting for this place since August 2005. This Fucktard has owned the building since last March. Unfortunately for us, he owns no other buildings in DC. It's the one loophole in rent control laws. We can't win.Over the weekend we found a place. Deeper in the 'hood, not yet gentrified.” Away from all the Condo building. For now.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

False Alarm [C,L]

So much going on. So little time.

PET Scan Negative. Still some increased uptake but Bone Marrow almost normal again. Jesus Fucking Christ that sucked monkey butt! the abnormal CT scan, the itching, spiking a Fucking fever or two. I was so worried. So worried about the worst case scenario that I didn't discuss it with Dani. I wasn't sure she knew all the consequences. And I didn't post it here for that same reason. we discussed it afterwards. She was there with me all along. How silly of me to think other wise, eh?

I was sure they had missed it in the Bone Marrow. I had asked them to take another biopsy at the end of treatment but they assured me that was not neccesary. So I sat there, worried. Survival odds suck as if they didn't get it all the first time around. With Hodgkins I had maybe a 40% survival chance. I would need chemo/radiation and a Fucking Bone Marrow Transplant. We would have to find donors. I would be in the hospital, in near quarantine for 6 months or so. The Anxiety was almost too much. I'm thinking this gets easier, no?

Pissing off the Gods
I've bragged too much about my Immune system. As stated earlier, Two days after my Pet Scan (10 days after my CT Scan) I started to feel not so well. fever, sinus pressure/headache, dizziness, loss of appetite. The symptoms are still with me. They come and go like my body almost shakes it but not quite. Never been in this position. Never had trouble with an infection. Whenever I say stuff like this Dani says: "You've never had Cancer before".

The Most Wonderful Women In The World
We have had to cancel our trip, twice. Once because of our nervousness over the PET Scan results. And this past week over our living situation. It's getting ugly or could get ugly and we have to leave ASAP. But Sunday I woke up and there was a note attached to a wad of money. The note said:

'Baby, why don't you go to REI, get what you need and go backpacking for a few days. I'll miss you but I love you and know you need this.'

I didn't go. Didn't want to anymore. There will be time for other trips. In the meantime we have to deal with the new owner of the building. A Prick From Hell.......

Friday, September 01, 2006

PET Scan [C]

Got a call from my Dr.'s Nurse Coordinator on the 30th asking if a Scan on the 31st at 3:30 was OK. Of course we accepted it and it was nice that we didn't cancel our trip for nothing. Kind of sucked having it in the afternoon as oppossed to my usual early morning appointments because you have to fast for 6 hours prior, only water allowed. I'd rather sleep through that. Forty Five minutes into my fast, feeling groggy, I pop one of our left over wedding mints into my mouth. as soon as I ate it I thought: "What the Fuck did I do that for"? I've probably had 1 or 2 since the wedding and I decide to eat one now? being the paranoid freak I am I call the PET Center to make sure I didn't screw up.

Better safe then sorry. We get to the Center and they do the usual IV of radioactive glucose, set me up in a waiting area and hand me 2 quarts of the Barium crap. I ask her WTF do i need to drink that for? I've never had it for a PET. She tells me its SOP now for all PET Scans and that its not as nasty as the Barium for the CT Scan. Crap. more radioactive crap. And my CT scan was on the 23rd, 8 days ago. With all the lights off you can detect a light glow eminating from my body. I wait an hour they strap me in and thankfully, even though I had coffee in the morning I fall asleep. I was worried I would not be able to sleep. Thirty minutes with no movement allowed would drive me crazy.

Now we wait. The waiting part is the fun part. Dani will assume I have cancer and will need chemo/radiation this time around. I will assume I don't have Cancer and not think about it.

In the meantime, we will go on a little trip starting this upcoming Sunday Night. Avoiding Labor Day Traffic at all costs.