Saturday, September 09, 2006

False Alarm [C,L]

So much going on. So little time.

PET Scan Negative. Still some increased uptake but Bone Marrow almost normal again. Jesus Fucking Christ that sucked monkey butt! the abnormal CT scan, the itching, spiking a Fucking fever or two. I was so worried. So worried about the worst case scenario that I didn't discuss it with Dani. I wasn't sure she knew all the consequences. And I didn't post it here for that same reason. we discussed it afterwards. She was there with me all along. How silly of me to think other wise, eh?

I was sure they had missed it in the Bone Marrow. I had asked them to take another biopsy at the end of treatment but they assured me that was not neccesary. So I sat there, worried. Survival odds suck as if they didn't get it all the first time around. With Hodgkins I had maybe a 40% survival chance. I would need chemo/radiation and a Fucking Bone Marrow Transplant. We would have to find donors. I would be in the hospital, in near quarantine for 6 months or so. The Anxiety was almost too much. I'm thinking this gets easier, no?

Pissing off the Gods
I've bragged too much about my Immune system. As stated earlier, Two days after my Pet Scan (10 days after my CT Scan) I started to feel not so well. fever, sinus pressure/headache, dizziness, loss of appetite. The symptoms are still with me. They come and go like my body almost shakes it but not quite. Never been in this position. Never had trouble with an infection. Whenever I say stuff like this Dani says: "You've never had Cancer before".

The Most Wonderful Women In The World
We have had to cancel our trip, twice. Once because of our nervousness over the PET Scan results. And this past week over our living situation. It's getting ugly or could get ugly and we have to leave ASAP. But Sunday I woke up and there was a note attached to a wad of money. The note said:

'Baby, why don't you go to REI, get what you need and go backpacking for a few days. I'll miss you but I love you and know you need this.'

I didn't go. Didn't want to anymore. There will be time for other trips. In the meantime we have to deal with the new owner of the building. A Prick From Hell.......

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