Friday, September 15, 2006

Wallowing in self-pity. EBV [L,C]

Sometimes I just can't help it. Sorry. The Doctor (Nurse Practitioner, actually) confirmed EBV but no strep. Often they go hand in hand. Strep being very opportunistic. The EBV is probably secondary to Hodgkins. My immune system being down still, coupled with the CT/PET scans only 8 days apart and all the radioactive compounds I had to ingest. And add the extreme anxiety I was feeling that they didn't quite get all the Cancer. I had a big EBV target on my ass. Something like 80% of the population has it. I probably picked it up in the frikken hospital during one of my scans.

Kind of ironic that EBV is often associated with Hodgkins but in my case it seems like my Hodgkins is associated with EBV.

I can handle most of the symptoms; loss of appetite, fever, depression, weakness, fatigue, muscle aches. The sore throat sucks beyond description. Especially when I wake up. I try so hard not to swallow. The pain just spreads from my throat to my ears. Never felt anything like it. I use a throat spray every 2 hours and pop ibuprofen as often as possible. Sweating this out sucks. Nothing I can do but go to a High Protein diet in order to boost my immune system.

One of The biggest concern with EBV is swelling of the spleen and liver, with possible ruptures. meaning I can do no heavy lifting. We move in 2 weeks. Dani had to spell it out to me: I'm going to be useless for moving. FUCK. I feel worse for Dani then myself. 95% of my life I've been healthy. 95% of the time Dani has known me I've been seriously ill. I think the stress on her is worst than on me. All I would like to do is take care of Her and here I sit, once again too ill to be of much good to anyone.

Keeping up my spirits during my Hodgkins fight was easy somehow. Now I just feel too tired.

No comments: