3/22/06 - chemo +5. Boy does food still fucking suck. I do think it might be a little less bland but that' it. My bones ache. I think it's a side effect from gthe neupogen. I tire so easily/quickly. My body hair is almost all gone. I kind of feel like ass. I sometimes wonder if it's worse than I can tell.......maybe I've gotten used to feeling like ass and have adjusted? My Kidneys hurt for a few days after chemo. I was warned about that, my system is trying to flush out the toxins and cancer/tumors. I'm suppossed to stay extra hydrated but it's become difficult. I don't like drinking liquids. Gatorade is a little too rough on my system....I'm on a pepcid script now to prevent Ulcers from the steroid. I take Zofran 2x/day but it bottles me up so bad I feel like I'm giving Birth when I have a "Movement"
The Dr. suggested a stool softener. These are things I can't think of for myself. I've probably popped more pills in these last 5 months than I have my entire life. I'm not used to thinking: "This sucks, what can I take for it?"
The Zofran does seem to be helping with the nausea. Just wish I had an appetite and that I could fucking taste food.
I think some of my problems are due to the steroid but am afraid to ask that they cut back on it. I don't ever want to have a vomit attack like I did the day after chemo. Don't even want to come close.
Trying to be nice
First, I'd like to make it clear that I am guilty of what I'm about to rant against next. I understand being at a loss for words. And please, no one take this personaly. OK? My Biggest Pet Peeve now is hearing this:
'Well, if you had to pick a Cancer, Hodgkins would be the one.' or:
'Well Hodgkins is highly curable.'
Again, I've said something to the same effect. Years ago when someone's brother I know was diagnosed with Hodgkins. But I
FUCKING HATE IT WITH A PASSION!
I've heard it several times. Last time I heard it was from the Radiologist at my PET Scan. I even try and be nice. But anyone who knows me, knows I have a very expressive face and that I have a hard time controlling it. If I had to "pick"? Jesus Fucking Christ! Think about it. Why not say:
"Well, as far as autoimmunne/degenerative diseases, Multiple Sclerosis isn't that bad.
Ya git the gist? I have Cancer. I will soon be in Remission (Please knock on wood). They call it remission for a reason. I need Check-ups/scans for the rest of my life. The fucking toxins they're using on me are God Damn Carcinogens.
So please, don't talk to cancer patients about "Good Cancers" or "High Survival Rates". You know what I like? I like humor. I like being called Cancer Boy. I like people just treating me like I don't have Cancer. I like people not treating me like I'm any where near death. I don't mind people asking me how I'm feeling.
Am I being difficult? Oh well. I get to set the rules on this, dammit!
I would also like to apologize to the person for what I said about Hodgkins.
On that note:
Cancer Can Kiss My Fucking Ass and It's not going to beat me Ever!
Peace and I love you all.