Sunday, May 28, 2006

Dr. Not So Gloomy/Where's The Party? The AntiClimax [C]

Post treatment visit with the Doc to get the "final word".

PFT test results: Lungs are fine. No damage. "Wow". I'm surprised.

PET Scan results:
1. No definite evidence for a FDG avid malignant tumor
2. Diffusely increased FDG uptake in the axial and appendicular skeleton consistent with bone marrow hyperplasia secondary to chemotherapy. While such intense activity limits evaluation of the skeleton, given this limitation, there are no discrete foci suspicious for osseous metastatases.

like that second "impression"? Bone marrow cells undergo intense growth after chemotherapy in younger patients (hyperplasia), therefore an area of my skeleton glows from the PET scan - a false positive. No discrete foci for osseous metastases means no skeleton tumors. Capice?

I'm negative for Cancer, dammit! HalleFuckingluiah!

I give my Doctor a heart attack when I tell her my hands and feet feel swollen. She drops to the ground and checks my feet. Swollen feet are a sign of heart condition, secondary to chemotherapy. she says they're fine. Must be the weight gain. :( Sucks but it beats death, no?

I'm cured! I don't believe in remission, that's for pessimists. My Dr., however, doesn't share my philosophy. There may be Lung/Heart issues, along with secondary Cancers. I will have a CT Scan/Onco visit every 3 months for a year. Then every 12 months for 6 years. then My Doctor will be convinced I'm free. I think She just has the Hots for me and can't let go.

But I'm officially free of Cancer. So why no Party? Dani and I are both react with a blasé attitude. In fact, we don't "react" at all. it sucks to lose someone you love to Cancer. Like any other loss, you mourn. Why aren't we reacting in the opposite way?

I think because it's been such a long struggle. One that was physically and emotionaly draining for both of us. It consumed our lives. Focused us on me kicking Cancers ass. then there was the second PET scan after 8 treatments. We both cried with joy after we heard the results. Then there was my last treatment on 4/28/06. We cried with joy then. Then my last PET scan on 5/4/06. I think we both assumed that if the scan showed Cancer we would have been called immediately for more treatments.

And once I started to feel "nothing" we both felt.................done. We were done with this. So when the Dr. confirmed I was Cancer free we were done and had been done for a while. No need to celebrate. No desire.

Dani described it as your last finals in college. you study for them for months, take them, finish them, and then say "Huh, what next?"

We are done.

It's been a long road, somewhat hellish road. But still filled with some amazing happy times, the best times of my life with many more to come for Dani and I.


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