Sunday, May 28, 2006

Feeling "Normal". Feeling Weird. Feeling Nothing. Life is Good. [C]

Saturday, 2 weeks plus one day after my last chemo treatment. The longest i've gone without chemo since November. It's a beautiful day. Dani and I go for a walk. We are on Florida Ave, just past 14th St. when it hits me: I feel.....................................nothing. And It feels really, incredibly, nice. I express this to Dani. I feel so good, so not unwell. My eyes well up with tears.

For 6 Months I was not well. Most of the time, or maybe about half the time, I thought I felt well. I think it was that "survival mode" thing; Focus on the pain and it might drive me nuts. Might even kill me. Positive attitude is so much of the battle. it might also be that I felt "well" relative to how I felt 3-7 days immediately after chemo, when I felt like ass in so many ways.

Now was different and it was so obvious. I could breath better, there was no pain anywhere in my body, I wasn't fatigued. If I think about it I do notice some tingling in my left fingers. But that's it. I don't know if I'm describing this well. I feel nothing and that feels wonderful. I look at the sky as we walk and can't help but think how wonderful it is to be alive.

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