Saturday, May 06, 2006

Drug Addiction or Pain; WTF Can't I Sleep? [C]

it's 7:30AM EDT. I went to bed at 1AM and woke up at 4AM. Fuck.

The Pain started Wednesday night. I had a PET Scan that Morning and took my last shot of Neupogen around 7PM. The pain is in my left arm, forearm area and upper arm near shoulder (not really localized). It's dull. This is the arm that I'm experiencing some neurological problems from chemo (tingling & numbness in the hand). It's also the arm in which I received my last chemo. Most of my chemo has been in my left arm. I chose the left one for my last dose b/c my right arm felt perfectly fine. I didn't want two arms potentially fucked up. And most of chemo was in my left b/c I'm right handed. It's choosing to potentially sacrifice your "weaker" arm.

If I'm not being clear: the chemo drugs easily damage the injection area because they enter highly concentrated and then diffuse as they travel. This is why the Nurse is always careful with the slow bolus injection, making sure there is good blood return every few mls of injection. If not the needle is against the vein wall and that is "not good". the drug can probably eat through the vein wall. And why there can be irreversible nerve damage

So, you choose, if possible, to have most of your injections in your weaker arm.

Am I babbeling?

So, the pain in my left arm could be from chemo injection or it could be from Neupogen. Or maybe something else? It was so bad Friday night that Dani paged the oncall Oncologist. She usually does b/c I'm an idiot about these things. the Onco suggests I apply heat and elevate the arm. he's thinking Blood Clot. I'm thinking He's an idiot. We try heat. We try a towel heated in the drying. Didn't work. We ended up wrapping a heating pad around my arm with bandage gauze. The heat worked as long as it was on high enough to burn me. And maybe "worked" because I was cutting off my circulation pretty good. In fact, my inner elbow still has some damage from heat/friction. So I apply heat in a very limited way, to say the least. And there's no way I can sleep with the heat.

Oh well.

On the 1-10 pain scale I give it a 6. Other than that my hands might be a little swollen and my right thumb looks to be 2x the size of my left.

So besides my arm I'm feeling good. No Nausea so I decided to forgo Zofran & Lorazepam. I have a few Whiskey's to celebrate America's Toast to Mexico kicking French Butt. Why are we so fixated on the French losing battles?

Anyway, it seemed like I was tired when i went to bed but I guess not. The question is did the pain wake me or the lack of Lorazepam? I took it 7 days straight this time and it is highly addictive. i would like a painkiller for my arm except in that it might do the same thing....................I just lost my left contact. It's been bothering me for a while, guess I'll toss it now (I have a supply of extend-o-wear)..............OK. So I don't want to take a painkiller b/c I hate the thought of becoming dependent like I might have become on Lorazepam. No matter how slight. But I hate not sleeping, especially since I'm in pain. I almost did some shots of Makers Mark and even thought about taking my last Lorazepam, for a second. Then I thought; "Fuck it. There are way worse things I could be experiencing right now." So i guess I suck it up for a while and try not to be too pissy about the pain and lack of sleep. Wish Dani luck!


And now, my left fingers are starting to hurt from typing. I should probably stop and take out my right contact.



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