Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Cancer Shmanzer [C]

Fuck Cancer - Chemo sucks ass!

Wouldn't it be nice if they could comatize you through chemo? I wanna eat but it hurts. I wanna drink but can't. I wanna crap but its painful. I wanna sleep but it escapes me. My tongue hurts, my teeth hurt, my arm hurts, my kidneys hurt, my intestines hurt.

The pain will spike and I wince. Dani wants to help, needs to help. But there is no relief. I just have to ride it out, a wave of pain. I sit in silence, wincing, sometimes biting my tongue near the sore....somehow it helps. Sometimes I can't remain silent and I cry out. Then it's gone. For the moment.

Comfort escapes me

It's not the bullet but the fall.

Gonna go pop lorazepam, compazine, ibuprofen, and I think some sominex.

Fuck it all.

I'd kill to be wasted right now. I'd kill to wake up in a hospital room, Dani looking down on me, and it be December....Cancer Free...

I'm a selfish fuck.

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