Thursday, August 02, 2007

A Deposit for Posterity [C]

Tuesday July 31. 11AM

Another Doctors appointment. Only this time Dani would not be with me. Although it was at 25th & M, NW and close to her office, she felt she couldn't go. And was adamant about it. No biggee. I walked to the bus stop and waited. A few minutes passed and a Bus approaches. It's big digital destination sign is flashing "EMERGENCEY!" Followed by "CALL POLICE!" What to do? It stopped for me so I got on. With a little trepidation, I'll admit. The few people on where very relaxed, one on a cell phone. So I relaxed. The sign was obviously broken. Post 9/11 World is much more fun, eh? Except this bus was getting stopped nearly every block by concerned citizens and by buses going the opposite route, twice. That was just damn annoying.

Off the bus at Dupont Circle. I have to hoof it ~.5mi. I arrive and am the only patient. I wondered if they do that on purpose? I fill out the requisite forms and wait. I notice they had awesome Magazines! A Traveler with an article about restoring the US Plains ecosystem ("Buffalo Commons") and a National Geographic with a great article about the Finger Lakes (NY). I wanted to take 'em. I vote it Best Doctor's office for reading material and recommend everyone go there.

Soon, the doctor comes out and looks at the forms. He tosses one that we don't need and hands me a consent form the Admin Assistant forgot. She must be new. He takes me back and shows me the room. All I can think is "no way. It's too small. Too sterile. I knew I should have had a drink or two before I came." he shows me the specimen cups and the magazine rack, asks me how long I've been deprived and leaves. there I am in the tiny room:

Oh well. I spread the surgical cloth on the chair, grab a cup, label it, grab some magazines, and take a seat.

Forward View from my Bank Chair:

And to the right:

And on the door, out of view, are hooks for clothes.

Playboy, Penthouse, and Stuff. I laugh and think "Pictures of Nekkid and not so Nekkid women? I'm not 18. Next time I'll bring my own material. The pages are quite tattered (LOL) and I put that observation right out of my head. Luckily, I have been Master of my Domain since Friday and I am, if i can admit, a bit of a horndog. And I think being in that room, at a doctors office, for the purpose at hand (pun soooooo intended), was a bit of a turn on. At least I was wearing shorts. I'll spare you the rest of the details. Unless I get comments asking for more. ;) :D

I should add it's not as fun as one might think. The room isn't sound proof and the cup is small so you have to kind of stop and make sure you don't miss. Especially if you're worried about the outcome (they just kind me as I type. I swear!) And it's not exactly my first choice for location. So, while I can't say I rushed myself, I certainly didn't take all the time I wanted. Still, if there is no stimulation going on during the point of no return then it's kind of a disappointment. It's sort of an anti-climatic climax.
But I'm a guy (and maybe an unusually horny guy) so I can't say I wasn't enjoying my time there either. If I can steal and modify a movie line: "It's kind of like pizza. Even when it's bad it's still kind of good."

And certainly it's the best type of Doctors appointment imaginable, no?

So I finish up, go out and ring the buzzer to the lab. the doc comes out, puts gloves on and takes the sample. He wants me to wait. I haven't had an analysis ever. Chemo might have left me sterile/in-fertile. He can have a decent analysis in 20 minutes and refund me.

I go back to the room. There's a couple waiting. I smile (my wide kind of creepy/psycho smile) and nod at them, thinking they must know. They must know that I was, as Dani's friend Miyun put it; "jerking off into a petri dish." I was oddly amused by the whole thing. It's a complete fertility clinic. I sit
and call Dani. She says "Your done? It's only been 30min??? Yes. I'm stroking (again, I really can't help it) my ego. i thank her and explain I'm waiting. I pick up the mag and start reading about Buffalo commons again. having difficulty with it. Sterility scares the crap out of me. What if I'm sterile and I need a Bone Marrow biopsy? I might as well not exist. I try not to think about it. After an agonizing wait he comes out.

"Your sperm is fine and there's plenty of it. See you Friday" I thanked him and the receptionist and walk out, chest puffed, Cock of the Walk (just so frikken easy).

No, I didn't shake my Doc's hand before I left. And for some reason he didn't offer.
Wish I had a good cigar. Or at least a cigarette. I felt a little tired ;) but so alive. Humor aside, this weighed on me heavily. It was a huge psychological boost for me. Did I dare dream my Bone Marrow was OK? I tried not to think about it. For fear of jinxing myself.

I need a drink.....

I get to do it again on Friday after I'm all charged up again. This time I'll walk in and out like Cock of the Walk. kind of like when I used to buy condoms. Trying to not so subtly let everyone know "Yes. I'm having sex." This time it'll be "Yes. I'm fertile as hell. I can do anything. Can I help you?". Men can be such guys, no?

BTW - while insurance will pay for Viagra, it does not pay for freezing Sperm. Draw your own conclusions. They want at least 2 samples. $250/sample plus $30/month storage. We don't really have that kind of money. So a very special thank you to my Mother-in-law for helping out (Make your own jokes).

Honestly, though, it was a huge moral booster and psychological victory.

Friday came and went. Unfortunately I got the same room with the same reading material. I was feeling kind of bored so I didn't spend as much quality time with myself. But overall I would say I had a hard day at the office.


1 comment:

Sheila said...

Really enjoyed that one- didn't see it coming! No pun intended either :S