Saturday, August 11, 2007

Symptoms - First Night, Morning [C]

Note - I added a good bit into the beginning (right under the pic) of "sixty days". Go back if you've read it already. Because I'm so damn witty and would hate for y'all to miss it. :D

I'll label these as such so y'all know they'll be the daily minutiae of how I feel and can thus ignore them. I feel compelled to keep better track. Lats night popped a Lorazepam at 1030 and a compazine at 1100. Then to bed. Woke at 0345. Wide awake. Not really upset by it. Not really shocked. Had a slight headache. Dani would be up soon for the Farmers Market. Hung out. and decided I could try and go back to sleep. Slept from 0430-0800 with a few waking moments. Felt a little nauseas. Slight headache. Might be dehydration...might need to flush toxins still.

No appetite. I really didn't expect the symptoms of chemo to hit this fast. last time I recall it as an accumulation throughout. Having a hard time drinking Coffee. Popped a Precious Anzemet at 0800. My Precious, need my precious........where's my precious? Precious? Hopefully it'll restore my appetite. My vein is almost completely healed. Hope they can take it. I so don't want a port.

I should mention last night that before popping a Tylenol I paged the on-call onco. You really need to be careful about which OTC's you take. I was chastised for taking the wrong one during Hodgkin's 1 (H1). The on-call was unfamiliar with my regimen but thought either should be OK at 600mg/6 hours only. [sarc]I feel relieved[/sarc]. At least she was absolutely honest. I believe Tylenol was what I was allowed last time so I stick with it.

Also last night my anger was hard to controll. I was going near ballistic at all the fucks in Whole Foods. It didn't help Dani that the drive there was a bit of an adventure. I forgot we were going and the I almost turned down a one way. My mind was a haze.

At home, after dinner, she tried to entertain me. But I didn't want any of that. She went through our movies, our games. I lacked the ability to make any decisions. Then I got really angry when I couldn't find my H1 folder for the on-call number.

I feel like my mind is going to mush.

I feel so sorry for putting Dani through all this again. She hates when I apologize for It. Her Mom called last night and I talked to her for a bit. I apologized to her for what I was putting them through again. I know what everyone's thinking but it doesn't change how I feel and it was weighing heavily on me.

Love You all.

Cancer sucks.

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